January 27th

This week I feel drained.  Half the week I was still on vaca but the other half took me down.  I had my hopes on things changing for my family and it didn't happen.  I'm pretty sure that is all it took to drain me.  I walked around work all Wednesday trying not to cry my eyes out. When the kids see me put on my khakis they start to cry.  Avery tried to block the door.  How I leave every morning without mascara running down my cheek I have no idea. Will my life ever be different?

Avery has her TC appointment in less than a month and I am really starting to feel it.  I have no nails left from the anxiety.  I think I am so nervous because I don't know what to expect.  When talking the the operator on the phone she asked what was going to take place at this appointment.  I have no idea.  I feel so out of the loop.  When we thought her sickness was due to absorption problems I knew my stuff.  I could tell you all about iron, absorption, blood deficiencies....but now I am lost.  I could google - but then I would just freak myself out.  We won't know anything until after this appointment which is to find out why.  Why does she loose so much blood and blood cells?  She has been pale lately and lots of nastiness....which normally means her levels are low.  I think a call to the doctor is coming this week. 

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I do have a few things to look forward to.  Sessions have been booking like crazy - which keeps me busy but is awesome.  I was worried this year was going to be like last and I would die from January - May.  As of right now, I have 1 spot open for February and 2 for March.  Such a blessing! I look forward to the day when this is my only job and I can confidently call myself a full time photographer.  

The kids are well and happy.  Owen turned 6 months old two days ago and he still lights up my day.  When I come home from work he smiles so big I feel like I could die from his cuteness.  He is starting to talk and it is soo adorable.  He learned a new trick - talking while he is eating so food goes up his nose.  The girls are their normal self.  Ella is really enjoying taking her pictures every week and I think I have a future assistant.  Avery has become a little talker! She and I went to the store alone the other day and talked the whole time.  She is nuts!